Today’s (August 5th, 2022) Gospel reading from Matthew (16:24-28) finds the disciples listening to a difficult calling from Jesus—one many Christians to this day puzzle over how to adhere to and one I assume is often misunderstood.
“If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me,” Jesus says. “For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.”
What does Jesus mean by “deny themselves?” Many of us may be able to understand the call to take up our crosses and follow Jesus, but does self-denial mean we should suppress all of our needs, wants, and desire? Forgo food and drink? Renounce all ties to that which brings us joy and pleasure?
I do not think that the denial Jesus speaks of here means an extreme self-abnegation or suppression. God, I believe, speaks and works through our desires, hopes, dreams, and needs—all elements of our humanity—so to completely deny all of them would be to cauterize channels of God’s will. Nor do I see the denial Jesus calls us to embrace as an encouragement to starve ourselves, push ourselves well beyond our limits, or reject any enjoyment or satisfaction whatsoever. Rather, I see this invitation as a reminder to be mindful of our very human tendency to push our own agendas, so much so that we not only become blind to the needs of those around us, but also to what God hopes and desire for us—to love and to feel love, as Jesus tells us in John 15:12-171—and what we truly need to do to realize this.
As Christians we are called to be Christ-like. And each piece of guidance Jesus issues to his followers is an instruction for how we can do this. I see the guidance to “deny” oneself here as an invitation to emulate Jesus’s divine acceptance of God’s will in lieu of one’s own human will. This supplanting of one’s own will with that of God’s is exemplified in Jesus’s agony in the garden, when he calls out to God the Father: “if it is possible, let this cup pass from me” (Matt 26:39). This plea is so human. So understandable. So relatable. Take this suffering away, God! Exempt me from having to endure it. Yet immediately Jesus follows this human plea with a very divine wisdom, acknowledging and accepting: “yet not what I want but what you want.” In this we see the 100% human and 100% divine nature of our Lord, coming together to guide his prayer and subsequent behavior. We also see one of the clearest examples of acknowledging what we want and then letting go of that (or at least making space for the possibility that we may need to let go of it) so that God’s will can be enacted through us. What does Jesus do shortly after moving aside his own will so that God’s will can play out? He takes up his cross and allows God’s plan to unfold: He is betrayed, arrested, denied, interrogated and wrongfully accused, mocked, beaten, and crucified.
This, I believe, is what is meant by Jesus when he advises his disciples to do likewise via self-denial: Be willing to consider that what you want might not be what God wants, as painful as that may be. Follow me in making space for the will of God, and for allowing his will to play out through you, even though this may entail suffering—suffering that will not be for nothing. Suffering that may be necessary for your own transformation as well as the transformation of others and the world. (Not to mention the wellbeing of your soul and the promise of eternal life.)
What about the seeming riddle “those who want to save their life will lose it?” Here I see an acknowledgement that those who truly wish to be saved by Christ can only be saved by letting go of how they have lived contrary to a love-oriented engagement with the world around them. To be saved, in effect, is to renounce who you once were—not to wallow in shame over your past (go to confession, yes, but do your penance, and accept forgiveness, please, so you can move on!) but to be transformed by the love that God seeks to endow all of us with.
Next up: “and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.” Similar to the above: To truly follow Christ we often do have to give our own agendas. That includes our identities in many cases. Who we thought we were, perhaps the person we once fantasized about being in a secular context, will need to be exchanged (lost) for the person we will become in Christ. And only in doing so can we truly “find” that (eternal) life Christ promises us, provided we follow his teachings and hew to his path.
When I read “For what will it profit them if they gain the whole world but forfeit their life” I am reminded of Ecclesiastes 2:1-112. Here Jesus seems to be underscoring the futility of self-denial when it is applied to worldly and not spiritual aims. Perhaps it is implied in his next statement (“Or what will they give in return for their life?”) that if we realize this futility after our life is sacrificed for the wrong purposes, we will give anything and everything to get that life back—so that we might be able to re-live it by orienting that self-sacrifice towards non-material ends (charity, peace-making, etc).
We end this reading with a final statement that the Son of Man will come in the glory of God with angels to repay “everyone for what has been done,” a nod to the final judgment. Followed by “Truly I tell you, there are some standing here who will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his Kingdom,” which is likely a nod to the Resurrection and Pentecost (which many of the disciples present will still be alive to witness once these events come to pass).
The real takeaway for me from this passage is the importance of remaining aware of our very human tendency to cling to our own worldly concerns and agendas so stringently that we lose sight of the higher purpose(s) to which we may be called. How can we enhance this awareness, discern between our stubborn will and God’s, and emulate Jesus in embracing the latter? Prayer, confession, scriptural readings, spiritual direction, and attendance of Mass, for starters. Building relationships with other faithful persons and, I believe, making more space for civil conversations with others we may not agree with can also help enlighten us to whether our earthly agenda is or is not aligned with God’s preferred plan. If nothing else, all of these activities can at the very least help us consider perspectives other than our own and make space in our hearts for more than just our own opinions.
Footnotes
1. Yes, love is defined in John’s Gospel as a willingness to “lay down one’s life for one’s friends” but love is not predicated on actually being killed or killing oneself. To offer oneself up for the sake of another is perhaps the ultimate expression of love, but not all of us will be called to do so
2. Ecclesiastes 2:1-11:
I said to myself, “Come now, I will make a test of pleasure; enjoy yourself.” But again, this also was vanity. 2 I said of laughter, “It is mad,” and of pleasure, “What use is it?” 3 I searched with my mind how to cheer my body with wine—my mind still guiding me with wisdom—and how to lay hold on folly, until I might see what was good for mortals to do under heaven during the few days of their life. 4 I made great works; I built houses and planted vineyards for myself; 5 I made myself gardens and parks and planted in them all kinds of fruit trees. 6 I made myself pools from which to water the forest of growing trees. 7 I bought male and female slaves and had slaves who were born in my house; I also had great possessions of herds and flocks, more than any who had been before me in Jerusalem. 8 I also gathered for myself silver and gold and the treasure of kings and of the provinces; I got singers, both men and women, and delights of the flesh, many concubines.[a]
So I became great and surpassed all who were before me in Jerusalem; also my wisdom remained with me. 10 Whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them; I kept my heart from no pleasure, for my heart found pleasure from all my toil, and this was my reward from all my toil. 11 Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had spent in doing it, and again, all was vanity and a chasing after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun.
The Converted Catholic 
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